In the spirit of Domestic Violence Awareness month, I thought I would share a personal moment I had this morning while getting ready for work. I received a message/ comment from a video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSvvzrnhEDU) that I have on my YouTube channel from when I was in the hospital following my last assault in 2013.
Usually, the videos and images of my experience, don't trigger me, they are merely a platform to share my story of abuse. However, today, as I clicked to read the comment, the video began to play and the emotion rushed in and caught me off guard. I just cried as I watched myself and how oblivious I was to the recovery that would lay ahead.
As I watched myself, I remember just being amazed and grateful to be alive…because I never thought I would make it away from him. I laid there nearly sedated from the pain medication, yet there was a part of me that was fully alert and aware that I had hit rock bottom; I broken. I recall thinking I am going to be scared for life and this scar is always going to be an ugly reminder every time I look in the mirror; I ’m still going to be " damaged goods" and no one is ever going to want me."
**Warning Graphic Content**
As I stood looking in the mirror this morning, I realized I had to look hard to see the scar, whereas before, it was the first thing you saw when you looked at me. Of course, I credit the fantastic plastic surgeon that later re-cut the scar and worked his surgical magic to reconstruct my wound.
However the surgeon that I give the most credit to is God; He worked “His magic” and repaired my inner scars to make what was broken, beautiful. When I look in the mirror now, I look at just how much I have recovered and healed emotionally and spiritually from the inside out; that is where all healing takes place- from the inside out. God took what was meant kill me (physically and spiritually) and make me more beautiful than before! I stood in the mirror this morning with tears running down my face, thanking God that I do not look like what I've been though and for repairing what was broken inside of me...long before the assault.
Me, today, nearly five years later.
As survivors, some of us have the physical scars and some have the emotional ones; yet we all need to realize that our scars are beautiful! God is the most skilled surgeon, with the ability to repair our broken hearts and spirits and make us better than before our “injuries.” To God, we are not “damaged goods” we are His masterpiece that He had to allow to break I order to “reconstruct” who we were always meant to be; from broken to beautiful!
This artwork was created by the children living in the YWCA OKC's shelter.